Poem: Sweetness of Sweets

Sweet words arrive from sweet intentions,
sweet intentions arrive from sweet thoughts,
for you.

Sweet thoughts arrive from sweet desires,
sweet desires arrive from seeing someone lovely,
as you.

Tattoo: Claddagh

my new tattoo!!!!!!!!!!!! aaaaaaaahhhh! read my main diary for details.

i... am in love... with bob!

this is my modified claddagh, its gonna go on my lower right hip.

concept sketch:


end product:


final result:

Poem: Lying Through Teeth

note: i wrote this along time ago (obviously), i drew the design and wrote the poem on the paper in the picture. added some burned looking edges in photoshop.

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Some people forget what its like
To have love
And be loved,
And be so deep in love.

Oh what a wonderful job they do
While lying through
Their teeth.
But I should speak for myself
and let it all out
and scream...

IM PERFECTLY GOOD AT LYING TO MYSELF

But darling,
You helped.
You made me believe in what could never be
and all of those warm and fuzzy feelings
That only existed in my
lucid dreams

So thank you so much
For holding on for so long,
and prolonging my heartache with another
poisoned love song

And watch me fall apart
Like I knew would happen from the
very start

Now, I know Im no where near
Perfect
and obviously Im not worth it..
But damnit..
I try.

And Im still trying while
Smiling
and lying
through my teeth
when I say....

"It doesnt bother me to simply see that you're with her now
and not with me..But thats okay. Im okay!"

Because I am
PERFECTLY GOOD AT LYING TO MYSELF

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Poem: .3-Way Sin.

Her empty stomach rolling on silk,
And she caught his thorns in her skin.
She liked the feeling,
Because it felt like sin.

He picked them out with the most gentle touch,
And whispered the things she was longing to hear.
And he swore,
She was the only one who had heard them
Before.
But she saw through.
To the back of his skull,
Where he was kicking himself
For saying the things he just said.
Cause he knew as well as she did,
That he didnt mean a thing by it.

She pretends shes the only one (it helps her sleep)
She pretends he really cares.
She pretends he meant
Every whispered word.
But pretending only got her so far.

He held her close as she closed her eyes.
Not wiping away tears and saying goodbyes,
Just gazing at her in the Ruby Aura Light.
She liked it better that way.

"Be careful." She said.
He broke that light before..
"Dont let her slip away,
If you think shes worth saving
This time around."

"Be careful, Little Girl.
Your looking for the rose
With no thorns.
And its in the palm of your hands."

Hes looking for the same thing,
In all the wrong places.
Hes daring to be different,
While touching the wrong faces.

"The thorns you didnt think were there,
were sharper than you thought."

But its hard for her to think
With her head so far up in the clouds.
He brought her back down,
Like a "first-time-only-time" drug.
But she liked it.
She adored it.
She craved it.

Then the withdrawls began.

She brushed off the warnings they gave her.
He ignored the taste he claimed to savor.
They walked away from forever,
But they did it hand in hand.
He was her crutch,
and She was his.

In the Ruby Aura Light the world dissappeared.
He touched her under her skin
and up to her heart.
The one that once fell
Completely apart.
Peice by Peice they complete the puzzle.
Being careful to put them in all the
Right places.

"Be careful, Little Boy.
Choose wisely.
They wont wait forever.
Stop pretending you know what you want...
They can see right through you!"

Hes looking for the rose with no thorns.
How could he miss it?
Its lying in the palm of his nervous hands.
Hes looking in all the wrong places.

Would you call that a tragedy?
Looking in all the wrong places?
Its a 3-way-sin.
Indirect and
Obvious in an un-obvious sort of way.
Dead to the world,
But alive in their own.
They're making up minds
and breaking promises.
They say they like it that way...
But they're great liars.

They lie well, face to face.
They get high off of trying not to be so obvious.
They pretend they dont mind.
Its their drug of choice.
The 3-Way-Sin.

Poem: Decay

Take your hip-bone-kissing-lips and
Carry me to a higher Bliss.

Fingers with a fragile touch
Dont be afraid to be solid and Sober.
Shattered glass could never
Cut
Through
This.
Cut through the ties we've made
Cut through the lies we use
To hide what we really want.
We
Both
Know.
You know what Im thinking
Your eyes are like glass
And so are mine.
You see right through me.
touch me, You wont break me.
Only my heart.

If it breaks and
Spills, It will
Kill
Anyone standing in the way
With puddles like oceans with love thats
Decayed.

Lips that kiss hips wont break this heart.
Tell
Anyone.
Out of my way so that I can
Say
What Ive wanted to say since the
Day
I first
Saw you.
I trust you and lust for you
So you must know that Im
Honest.
Edgy ridged blades speak with
Hate
In the worst possible way
but EVERYONE whos ANYONE
Knows.
Puddles like oceans are filled with
Love
That always
Decays.


It stays and lays
and waits
For your eyes to take it
Away.
and
make it new.

Puncture my skin with a poisonous sin
So I can lay awake and think..
What a beautiful
Pain.
How worth while it was to just have you
Touch me.
To make me and
break me and
take me to a record low level of
hate.
Tell me why I have satin sheets when
A bed of nails is what I should be
Lying on.
your lying on the floor where my
Love
Was once poured
But Im sitting here
As stiff as a board
just waiting for you
to speak a simple word.

But broken hearts leak.
Leak puddles like oceans with blood and
Love, that is sure to ...
Decay

Poem: Someone Pinch Me

I used to think it was you
Breathing on my neck at night...
Then I realized
It was just my fan that sits
In
My
Room
That makes more noise than I do
When I cry.

I used to think it was you
Singing me to sleep at night
Then I realized
It was just the mix of our songs
Playing in my
Mind.

I used to think it was you
Drying my tears at night
but then I realized
It was all just a dream
that I
Never
Had.

Someone pinch me.

It takes more than a prayer to forget all of this...
Broken mix tapes and torn pictures.
But how do you erase a memory
burned into your skull?
Its under your skin.
Its under my skin.

And what about that feeling I get?
The burning feeling on my skin
when you
touch me?
What about the flow in my eyes
That I get
When you tell me
You miss me.

Someone pinch me..
the dream is over.

Poem: Destination Beautiful

Im a long way from anything amazing.
21 miles to be exact.
No time for calculations,
Im in a hurry.

So how about we pack up our
Necessities and you
Can
Run
Away with me.
Doesnt matter where we go as long
as
we're
Both there.

We can take our worries and insecurities and
throw
them
out the window.
Watch them trail and fade behind us
On that one way road to
destination
beautiful.
Trust me.

Destination beautiful right here in the front seat
Sunkissed shoulders and
You right next to me with your
back
to
the
Window and your smiling so big and we
wish
that,
This was all so true.


That silhouetted outline of you in the window
Just
Shy
Just shy of perfect but so
Perfect
for
me.
Fall asleep and sleep to dream,
That the pillow you rest your head on everynight
Is that space between my ribs
and my hips.
Destination
Beautiful.
It could be the best ,
or we could make it
the
worst...
So make the best of this distance with me
and
Maybe
Just maybe, that distance will fade
Just for
us.

Destination beautiful fades as our eyelids
open
to
find,
That we're in the same bed we crawled into
And we're 21 LONG miles from eachother
So lets
Hit the road now,
Before they catch us in the act,
well..
Thats all part of the rush I guess.
Running.


So baby,
Can we run away tonight?
Please?
Okay.

Prose: The Resistance

note: lol, this was composed by me and brian (thus the male perspective). just thought id share some creative writing.
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you know how when rock stars play the guitar they make all sorts of funny faces cuz theyre really into it? well, when i draw i do the same thing. when i sketch i got that easy breezy too cool for school look. when i do inks i whip out my focus face, all intense and burning with concentration. when i mess up i get the angry shit-i-fucked-up-now-i-gotta-use-white-out scowl. very sexy. sometimes i get that pained expression when im doing ultra fine detail work. as i gear up for the big finish my strokes get quicker and quicker, my eyes bug out, my hair explodes like yahoo serious, im totally insane. energies reach their breaking point. i can taste the final crescendo as it all comes together, all my skill and talent, my genius, my love, my truth, laid out there on what was once a clean white sheet of paper. spent, i sit back, light a cigarette, wipe away the last remaining bits of eraser dust and purr, "was it good for you too?"

Painting: Christian Woman

this isnt really a painting. i was playing with my new watercolored pencils, so its really more of a sketch. im torn with this one. i hate it cause it took me no effort (and the pencil didnt wetten to the acrylic base coat) but i love how it looked in my head. this one is roughy 2 feet tall and 1 foot wide.

fullview:

Painting: Greetings

20"x24", my biggest paintings (that isnt abstract). ive been told this is quote-unquote, CREEPY. i too had to turn it around so i dont have to look at it when i sleep. ill point out some of the funny parts of this painting. it couldve been so much better if i hadnt started it when i was drinking. took me about two days, 3 hours a day.




suck at outlining straight, but a nice closeup of my finger shading:



closeup:



drunk when i started the stairs, had to make myself stop:



the wall, the left side is day two (sober) and the right is day one (tipsy). i was gonna go over it, but i like the character of it:



and the man of the hour:

Painting: Monochrome

i was testing colors for the bigger painting. this is about 9x12, very small in comparison to most of my stuff. it looked alittle different in my head, but whatever.

Construction: These words

dont mean shit. just getting back into writing. this is a little nothingness. ignore (i also cut off the bottom, oops).

Poem: years-months-lifetimes

and here we go:

and she wondered if the awkward silence
would simply smash the pale few inches
of wet space between them,
physically separated by sand and
remnants of yesterday's existences.
both of them had stopped speaking miles
(years/months/lifetimes)
ago, but their bodies were angry
with sharp angles and movements --
quick, asp-like whips of heads,
hair tangled against the hollow of a shoulder,
elbows jutting out at unjaunty angles --
so the conversation and aggressiveness built
between them like a gathering wave.

when she finally spoke again,
she asked him for a cigarette.
he did not look toward her when he replied
(the cobalt vanity of his eyes
were drawn intoxicatingly toward the sea)
that he hadn't touched a cigarette
after the day she died.
to this, an uneven smile etched onto her lips
and she said that it was probably for the best
because she knew from experience
that there were never any ash trays in heaven

Poem: Just bein whimsicle

just wrote this spur of the moment. cant draw, cant paint, might as well write. this is a bit of shit, but ill post more when i get back into it.

when no words can offer comfort
or hands dry fallen tears
when no one seems to listen
to your undying fears
when friends seem far and distant
and you don't know what to do
reach out, embrace me tightly
for big girls need teddies too

ive got my body pillow to hold, but you get my point.

Drawing: Love knows boundaries

the original title was the cliched "love knows no boundaries", but if youve ever wanted someone you cant have, you know thats a crock of bullshit. his hands are tied and mine are restrained because hes got someone who he loves more and ive got all this shit that keeps me from trying to get him back. that, my friends, is called desperation.

(and yes i know she has one huge uma thurman hand, thank you.)


and just for the record, this is what happens when you try to do too much too soon:




got sidelined permanently from xc because i ran too much, now ive screwed myself again. sometimes i dont know when to quit. but then again ive never known my boundaries, i like to walk that thin wire and then act surprised when i fall off. and that, my friends, is called irony.



it hurts, but heartbreak is an amazing inspiration.

NOTE: Delay in postings

my wrist got fucked up again, so ill be doing my digital than traditional art so it can heal before school. ill still try to paint, because im not taking any painting courses but i created a new gallery for my computer works as to not mix two completelly different medias. it looked tacky when i did that. so my digital journal is listed below, check there for more updates. and come august 27, i most likely wont be posting anything bigger than my scanner can handle because i wont have a digital camera.

DIGITAL ART JOURNAL