Prose: Was it my fault?

I dont understand it
I just wanted him for one time..
One more time..
Is that too much?
I didnt mean to..
But he wasnt here.
He could have had me..
But he was gone.
He didnt want me
So I chose the other.
It was only sexual
Nothing more
I was confused at first
But now I realize
It was sexual.
But with him
Its different
Or is it?
I cant tell anymore
Ever since the first, its all got me so scared
I dont understand what he wants
My body?
My mind?
What I can do to his body.
Sex? Is that all I am to him?
Or am I more?
Am I his daylight?
His nightlife?
His love?
His one - only?
Like he is mine...?
Is it my fault that I dont know what to do?
I'm sick of being the strong one.
When he left, I held on.
When she left, I was still here.
Now, I want to go.
I'm ready to leave.
I'm letting go of moms hand
And walking across the street by myself.
I hate being alone...